Milestones and Moving On

One of my most favorite parts of being a nearly nester..Nearly everyone is out of the nest. Is the celebration of Milestones in the lives of my children.  There were times when I thought that they would never leave my home.  How in the world do little boys grow up and become men who run things.....like companies?? Countries???  World Wide Conglomerates??  Some days I never thought it possible that my boys would grow up and celebrate milestones.  But I was wrong....they've grown up and we have celebrated some amazing milestones this last year.

Like this......

From skateboarding and dodging security police at his favorite skating places to Law School Graduation and passing the Oregon State Bar.

From dancing and singing in the McDonald's parking lot to a National Tour with How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

From video games to finding his one true LOVE..

From jumping off roofs and mud....lots and lots of mud to a successful return after 2 years of serving the Lord as a missionary.

I truly could not have imagined as I was patching holes in drywall and fixing broken windows that in 2014, after many years of preparation and hard work, these boys of mine would accomplish so much.

I admire young mothers who are navigating the world as they raise children in these times.  My boys were lucky, we lived on a street where there were lots and lots of other boys to play with.  They played outside and ran from house to house doing what boys do best.....Making messes.  There were basketball hoops in the front yard and trampolines in the back yard.  They drank out of the hose if they got thirsty and would dig change out of the couch to chase down the ice cream truck.  It was magical.  I'm not sure we live in that world anymore.  It was only 10-15 years ago but a lot has changed since then.

Please don't ask me how I did it.  Don't tell me I did a great job or ask what my secret was.  I truly don't know.  I never raised them with an agenda in mind of what I thought they should become or aspire to.  All I knew at the time was that I wanted them to be happy and NOT living at my house when they did it.  I am a true believer in giving your kids wings to fly and a nest for them to visit.

If I can offer any advice to those moms who are in the middle of teenage angst and toddler tantrums it would be this.

Be Present. We didn't have cell phones, iPads or lap tops.  They didn't exist.  So,when we sat for mindless hours watching little league we had to watch the game, chat with the parents around us and cheer our kids on.  Even if they were in the outfield chasing butterflies. BE WHERE YOU ARE WHEN YOU'RE THERE. Show up AND be present!!  I promise you that very quickly they will be off living their dreams and you will have plenty of time to update Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. Mostly you will be stalking your children's Facebook and Instagram because that's the best way for you to stay in touch

Eat dinner together.  I know, I know.....there's soccer and dance and music lessons and work and overtime.  I get it.  We were busy too.  Sometimes dinner was at 9 p.m.  Sometimes dinner was frozen pizza or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. We didn't drive through fast food very much....we couldn't afford it.  But at some point we ate together.  There were days when dinner only lasted long enough to say a quick prayer over the food, shove a few bites in and hurry out the door to the next activity.  Regardless, dinnertime is important!

Play together. Turn off the electronics and Just....Play.  Make forts out of furniture, sheets and old towels. It's magical once you get passed the groans and whining because you unplugged the iPad.

Laugh. Laughter can diffuse any tense situation.  One time the two older boys were at each other's throats and tension had escalated to epic proportions.  At my wits end I yelled at their father...."You go in there and MAKE THOSE BOYS BEHAVE!!"  He stepped in their room, shut the door and said "ALRIGHT BOYS!"  I stood on the other side waiting for Zeus to rain fire on his errant children  .....Silence... I peeked my head in through the door.  Zeus the mighty father looked at me and said.."I got nothun.."  That was the funniest thing those boys had ever heard.  They were waiting for fire and brimstone and what they got was a blank look from the almighty Zeus.  The laughter could be heard down the block and it was over.  The tension was gone.  Laughter has truly saved me.

This past weekend our New Yorker flew into town for a few days.  He arrived at the airport with his youngest brother.

Let me be honest....whenever my loved ones fly I'm sooo relieved to see them come off the plane in one piece.  It was a wonderful 4 days of talking, laughing, eating and just spending time together. Today he left.  I HATE when they leave.  That whole giving them wings to fly is a crock.  But off they go to live the life they've imagined and... It happened way too fast.  

Love and Marriage

Lately on Facebook there have been various blog posts about being married.  They're usually written by couples who have been married less than 5 years.  AMATEURS! At the 5 year mark you're just getting started. Wives still think they can get him to put the toilet seat down and husbands still believe that leaving the seat up makes it easier to clean.  Eventually we all know that they will come to an "understanding."

I've been married to Mister for over 32 years.  I met him when I was 18, told him I loved him on my 19th birthday and by 20 we were living as man and wife in a cozy little starter apartment close to ASU.  I thought it was cute and Mister spent the month before our wedding painting the entire place and making our first piece of furniture.  It was a coffee table with a big piece of smoked glass on top.  I'd never owned my own furniture before so I thought it was wonderful.  I just knew we were going to have the most enchanted life together.

This was our first real date and to this day it's still Mister's favorite picture of us.  I think he likes big hair too!

Getting married is the easy part...staying married is harder but staying "IN" Love for 32 years?  That folks is a freaking miracle.  I can honestly say that after 32 years I am still "IN" love with Mister and most days I think he's in love with me.  Actually, we've been successful because for many years Mister loved me more.  He is always first to apologize, never held a grudge and is one of the most genuinely kind people I know.  Growing old together is something I look forward to. 

I look forward to spending our date night in Walmart trying on cheater/readers.....Can you see me now?

I look forward to keeping each other groomed so we're fit to be seen in public......Can you hear better now? Geez....hair grows there??

I look forward to many more years of snuggling underneath warm covers on a cold night.....Quick turn the fan on I'm melting in here. Menopause...you're own personal summer that rages on forever!

We are nearly nesters.  That means we live with young adults who sleep here, occasionally eat here and at some point do their laundry.  The upside is that as a couple we now have the time to do some of the things that got pushed to the side as we were frantically raising a family.  The down side is that we now have to come up with our own agenda instead of using our children's activities for outings.  It looks something like this...."What do you want to do?"  "I dunno.....what do you want to do?" "Do we have a coupon?"  "I think so....not sure where tho.."  It's riveting conversation I'll tell ya.  We are party animals to the core!

That's not say that we don't have our disagreements and/or arguments.  Like the time we were driving and I was picking a fight and being right.....it's hard work being right, ALL. THE. TIME.  It went something like this...Me: "I swear...where would you be without me?!?"  At that exact moment the rumble of a Harley Davidson could be heard outside the window of the car. The free spirited and obviously single rider was helmet-less and his super awesome mullet was blowing in the wind.  Mister looked across and said...."I'd be THAT guy!! Except my mullet would be longer!"  Of course he would.  

I vividly remember our 25th wedding anniversary.  It was such a milestone and I was frustrated and annoyed.  I truly thought we'd be farther along in our life.  Financially, career wise, financially, our home would be spacious and grand, financially....I said that already right?  What had we been doing for the last 25 years??  Besides raising amazing children, fixing broken down cars and spending our weekends repairing all the things our kids broke in the house during the week?  The closer we got to the date the more annoyed I became.  I wanted a magic wand I could wave that would make everything perfect.  So one night as we were going to sleep and I was raging internally about all of life's unfairness,  Mister snuggled up behind me, pulled me close and said...."Thank you for staying married to me.  I know there were times you wanted to leave me, but you couldn't......... there was no gas in the car."  

Ladies and gentlemen, you now know our secret and why I never left. Mister makes me laugh!!  Humor truly melts away all the anxiety and stress.  AND...he's a great kisser, among other things.  He's my safe place and my soft landing.  He's that voice of reason in my head that reminds me not to loose my cool and go all crazy, psycho Beeotch on some poor unsuspecting friend, stranger or family member.  You can all thank him later. 

If I had any advice to married couples young and old it would be:

LIVE Consciously. Appreciate the good times and the bad times.  Believe me, you'll have plenty of both.

LOVE Unconditionally.  You chose him/her. Sometimes your loved one will need you to love them more. 

LAUGH. A Lot. Mostly at yourself.

I'm working on a project that I hope will help married couples stay married.  It's been rolling around in my head and heart for a while now. I'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, it's Thanksgiving so eat yourself into a food coma and then muster up the energy and patience to shop, shop, shop.  I'm hoping to find a rockin' smokin hot new pair of red shoes. 

   

Girlfriends...Better than Therapy

No matter how much you love your husband and children there will always be room for Girlfriends.  That's right....with a capital "G".  You know what I'm talking about.  As an only girl growing up in a house full of boys and then a mother raising a house full of boys there was a part of me that always felt just a little gypped I didn't have a sister or two.  I would imagine playing dress up, doing hair together and all those other things sister's do.  Because it was all in my head we were best friends and cohorts in crime together.  But, I guess God knew me best and decided that I had enough estrogen and drama to fill any house.

There's something wonderfully therapeutic about getting together with your besties.  I've been so lucky in my life to have Girlfriends that are sisters in my heart.  When my boys were little and the house was in a constant state of chaos I found a group of Girlfriends at the local needlework shop.  Every Thursday night we would gather together, bring out our current Needlework project and laugh.  Mostly they laughed as I shared with them the chaos of raising sons.  Today, 20 years later you can still find me stitching on Thursday nights with some of my dearest friends.  There have been new friends come and we just keep adding chairs to the table.

Girlfriends share like that.

Then there are the Girlfriends who get dirty with you.  The ones who camp in a tent with you.  Every summer for 15 years I found myself at Girls Camp.  What a wonderful week that always was.  I never went as anyone's mom so it was the ultimate girl time for me.  You know that Girlfriend who will stay up all night talking with you?  There's nothing quite like lying in a tent in a sleeping bag solving all the worlds problems until the teenage girls in the tent next to you say, "You guys need to be quiet!! You're keeping us awake!!  You're laughing too loud!!"

Girlfriends laugh like that.

When I ventured into the business world my Girlfriend helped show me the ropes of Real Estate. She patiently answered a million phone calls and shared her tools and knowledge with me.  I'm thankful everyday for her unselfishness on my behalf.

Girlfriends support like that.

When I started networking my business I found a group of wonderful women who welcomed me into their midst.  We met every week to build each other up and learn together.  The economy was crashing and so was my business and without these women I wouldn't have survived.  They are close to my heart.

Girlfriends build and strengthen like that.

Then there is the BFF Girlfriend.  The one who has known you the longest and shared with you the highest highs and lowest lows.  That true friend who knows where the bodies are buried and most likely helped you dig.  The one who telepathically knows you're having a rough time and calls just at that moment when you are falling apart in your car while driving on the freeway.  This friend will rescue you on the side of the road with a can of gas, buy your children shoes because you're broke and bring you a huge slice of chocolate cheesecake just because.   The BFF will truly be your rock and in return you will be her rock when she needs you.

Girlfriends love each other like that.

I'm not sure that husbands and children will ever understand the importance of Girlfriends.  They won't get why we need a weekend away with "The Girls".  They will be left standing in the kitchen staring down a box of Mac N'Cheese as we run out the door for "Girls Night."  But, they will learn and adjust.  Girls Night will become Fort Night at home.  They will learn to master the art of Taco Bell and eventually come to understand that when we come home happy from laughing until our cheeks hurt that Girl Time is what we need to recharge our batteries.  We don't love them less, in fact it helps us appreciate them more.

To all the women in my life who are my Girlfriends.  You have all blessed my life. I look forward to sharing, laughing, supporting, building and strengthening each of you as you have done to me.

And......I will definitely drag your body to Nordstrom!!

Road Trip!

Just let me start this by saying that we are NOT road trip kind of people.  It doesn't have anything to do with kids being noisy or fighting in the back seat.  We took this trip with only adults in the car.  It's all that sitting and driving and sitting and driving and HOLY COW.....ARE WE THERE YET???  What does the next sign say??  Only 5 miles since the last sign??  Why are all these semi trucks on the highway??  Who Farted!!

We have some long standing rules to riding in the car on long trips.  Let me share.....

Rule #1:  No Eating in the Car.....Yep you read that right.  Mister has a sensitive nose and an aversion to stinky food in the car.  So the usual car snacks are taboo.  No corn nuts, Fritos, Doritos or any other "os".

And definitely NO

Have you smelled these things?

One trip on our way to Newport Beach, our oldest son had a craving for some of these tasty nuggets at midnight. So when we stopped in beautiful Beaumont,CA at the AM/PM he bought a bag.  As he was getting in the car he was stopped by Mister, "NO food in the car!" We waited and watched as he downed the entire bag standing in the parking lot.  At least the car didn't smell.  However, we did travel with non-stinky food.  Red licorice, gummy worms and granola bars and all meals were eaten inside the In and Out Burger. No drive thru on trips. The upside to this rule is that when you get to your destination the inside of your car doesn't resemble a homeless shelter.

Rule #2:  If you fart you must roll down your window as a courtesy.  Just so you know....when you travel with boys they fart....A LOT!  It works like this.  Whoever farts just rolls down the window for a little bit until the air has cleared.  It never fails....the boy sitting in the middle or the way back (3rd seat) always thinks that his farts don't smell.  Just because you're not close to a window switch does not mean you're the lucky one.  It just means that you will be punched until you admit you stunk up the whole car.   This works great most times except for blizzards across Utah when the temperature inside the car rivaled the temperature outside. Also, Mom's farts never smell.

Rule #3:  All potty breaks are to be honored IMMEDIATELY!  If you travel with a middle aged menopausal woman whose drink of choice is Diet Coke, then just know you will stop and let her pee whenever she says.  However if that's not possible then you should always carry a large beach towel to cover her up with should you have to stop by the side of the road.  This is non-negotiable!! We may or may not have had to use the towel for cover up on this trip.

That's it.  3 easy rules for successful road travel.

This last trip was from our home in Mesa, AZ to our son's home in Portland, OR.  It's about 1400 miles one way.  That's 2 very long, 12-13 hour days of driving.  We have never driven that far in a car.  Ever! We thought about flying but with the cost of bringing our New York son out west and renting a car once we got there is just seemed to make financial sense to drive.  It will be fun we said....we will bond said friends.....it's quality time together said everyone else.  Yes, at times it was all those things.  Oregon is beautiful but the road between Six Flags Amusement Park and Sacramento is a vast wasteland interspersed with lots of farms, orchards and sunflower fields but very few places to stop and let a Mama pee. (see rule #3). Interstate 5 is covered with Semi trucks and the cars play this demonic game of chicken as they work to jockey a spot 2 or 3 cars ahead of where they were as they weave in and out of the truck lane.   They would speed up to pass, change lanes and then slam on their brakes which makes everyone behind them slam on their brakes.  It was nerve wracking going bumper to bumper doing 80 mph then 50 mph then back up to 80 as the windows were going up and down every 10 seconds.  Geez....are we there yet??  Finally we arrived in Portland and spent 4 fantastic days playing with these little nuggets of perfection.  

Mister is the baby whisperer.  He has the ability to calm Little Princess when no one else can and put her to sleep in seconds.  

The drive home is like hitting the repeat button only in reverse.  We brought a car back to my daughter in law's sister and also inherited Lola the Wonderdog.  Who insisted on sitting in the front seat on a lap looking out the front window and hogging the A/C.

We have decided that we will never make this trip by car ever again. We're more short drive to the beach or park on a cruise ship kind of people.  In fact, if you are a family member who lives farther than 700 miles away we most likely will never drive to see you.  It's not that we don't love you it's just that I'm not sure we love each other enough to do that again. My children will agree! 

  

Beauty Is A Duty

There are some lessons you learn early and they stick with you a lifetime.  If you know me then you know I rarely leave the house without make up on.  On the rare occasion that I do then it's sunglasses and lip gloss.....always lip gloss. Why?  Who cares?  Shouldn't we all be loved and accepted for who we are the inside?  Let me share some insight....  My mom was always one to "put her face on".  Whenever we wanted to go anywhere my mom always said, "Just let me get my face on."  It always seemed like such a weird thing to say.  So, one day I needed a ride somewhere and didn't want to be late.  My mom gave me her usual "Face On" line and went to her bathroom to get working on that.  I went into the bathroom and said. "MAAHHMM....no one cares if you have your make up on.  No one will see you.  You're not even getting out of the car!!!  Let's just go....I can't be late.  No one's looking at you anyways!"  (I was a mouthy, bratty teen.)  She spun around, aptly armed with a mascara wand shaking in her hand and said.."Carolyn...Beauty is a DUTY.....and DON'T you forget it!!!"  Lesson learned.

But as you grow up and get busy with kids, family, work, church service and life in general it's just so easy to stop caring.  Right?

There is always something more important to do then get up the energy to "Put your face on!"

Maybe it's because it's like a thousand degrees outside and any attempt to put make up on is met with melting goo sliding off my face as quickly as it goes on. Maybe it's because in my 50's, concealer has become the most important tool in my tool box. There are days when it just seems to be too much.   Mister is partial to make up.  I learned early in our marriage that if I spent the day cleaning the house to perfection but didn't have time to get out of my pajamas before he got home he'd ask what I had done all day. GRRR...   BUT...if I read a book all day and managed to put on my face and do my hair before he got home then he would say....oh, you had such a busy day!

Most days I do manage to get my face on.  It helps the day feel just a little special. You know that on the day you don't get fixed up that's the day something wonderful happens and the only thought on your mind will be, "Crap...I forgot to get ready for this!"

Those of you who never wear make up, good for you.  I applaud you.  I personally can't pull it off.  It would scare the neighbors and their children.  It helps me feel ready for the day.  In fact as I sat down to type, my hair had dried from my shower into a curly, homeless mess.  I couldn't do it.  There was nothing.  I went to the bathroom, turned on the turbo cooling fan, wrangled the blow dryer, flat iron and round brush and NOW I can work.

It seems shallow to admit that I'm a make up junkie but I am.  My grandmother gave me my first Estee Lauder make up extravaganza box when I was 14 and I was hooked.  I'm not talking about a grand and spacious beauty box, but a well stocked tote tray works wonders.

It's not about looking like some glammed up Hollywood train wreck searching for relevance on TMZ or being something you're not.  It's about putting your best self out into the world.  My best self just happens to include, make up, hair spray, lip gloss and enough self tanner on my legs to try and disguise the road map of veins currently living there.  Everyday choose to make a difference.  Make someone laugh and give someone love.  Just make sure you do it with lip gloss on!

P.S.  Next week we are going on our first ever road trip as a family. I'll keep you posted.

I CAN....TRANSFORMYA....

By far the most frustrating thing about being 50 is that one day you wake up and your body has betrayed you.  You look in the mirror and think..."I could swear I went to bed with only one chin....That extra roll under by bra was not there yesterday and since when did my belly rest on my thighs???"  I do have friends who brag about being able to fit into their high school cheerleading outfits, and wearing clothes they wore in college.  Well good for you....no one cares!!  Oh..and just so you know? If you fit into a single digit size NOBODY wants to hear that you need to lose weight.  Those of us who shop in the Missy Plus size section want to tackle you and feed you a cookie.....just sayin.

Mister has never cared about my weight one way or the other and for that I am incredibly grateful.  I cared. I got tired of being tired all the time and looking in the mirror and feeling like a stranger was looking back. So this year I decided to be proactive and take control of my life, my body and my fridge.

What did I do?  Well, I've been an online member of Weight Watchers for 2 years and obviously that's not working.  I have friends and family members who've lost a lot of weight with prepackaged meal planning and health coaches.  Mmmm..Not quite ready for that and besides I couldn't cook for my family and then open up a pouch and eat dinner.  I would feel too deprived.  What about exercise?  I have at home DVD's that I've used for years and while I like them just fine and they work,  it's just too easy to talk myself out of an early morning sweat when everyone else is comfy and in bed.  So far what I've learned about myself is that that I'm not accountable, I'm not willing to commit to eating differently and I can't make it to the living room to workout.  I guess the extra chin, rolls and belly are here to stay.

Maybe Not...Maybe There's Hope...

One afternoon as I was driving in my car, which also happens to be my office and cafeteria most days, I decided to stop here. 

I'm not going to lie....I was totally intimidated.  These people here were serious!!  Like supermodel, fitness junkie serious.  I almost apologized and excused myself to go next door to Paradise Bakery and get a muffin, a diet Coke and 1/2 dozen cookies.  Somehow they convinced me to come the next morning and take a free class.....SURE.....what could it hurt?? Besides every muscle in my body.

It worked!!  I loved it...um...uh...just kidding.  I loved being done when it was over but during the workout I look something like this.

My results so far?

The edema in my left leg is 95% gone, I now have ankle bones again. I am sleeping through the night. I don't feel like a stuffed sausage having a wardrobe malfunction every day when I get dressed. The scale is still my nemesis but at least it's moving in a downward direction.  I've gained a new appreciation for rap/hip hop. I can run uphill on a treadmill. I can lift a 26 lb kettle bell over my head while doing a squat. I still don't like jumping jacks, mainly because there's just too much that jiggles, either that or I need a better bra.

Bottom line is, I will update my progress as I go along.  I'm not ready to post before and after pics just yet because this is a marathon and not a sprint.  If you'd like to join me you can find me at

 Dana Park

I'd love to have some company as I huff and puff my 50 year old arse up those treadmill hills. 

   

Another Word for Love

It's always a big achievement when a baby starts to talk.  Everyone wonders...."What will be his/her first word?"  Mama?   Daddy?  We coach them and prod them to talk, and just know that our child will be a genius when they start rambling in coherent phrases.  3 of our boys said "Dadda" first and the baby finally got it right and said "Mama".  It was such a proud day.  Finally, the recognition I deserve for the stained blouses, midnight feedings and diaper changing dootie.

Have you ever noticed that a mother's name changes as the situation does?  Mommy is your adorable preschooler/young'n, so sweet and innocent.  Then it gravitates to Mom as they grow up.  With teenagers you're lucky to get "Hey" most days.  But the one that stands above the rest is this one....Anyone recognize it?

"MAAAHHMM!!!"

As in.....

MAAAHHMM....Garret's in the street dancing.....NAKED!! 

MAAHHMM....Garret turned the hose on....IN THE HOUSE!!

MAAHHMM......Garret's jumping on the trampoline...FROM THE ROOF!!

Lucky he lived to tell about it.

Then one day your babies are making babies and you're a Grandma.  This is where it get's good because you get to choose your name.  My friends are Grandma, Grammy, Nona, Nana, Mimi, MeeMaw, Granny, Gram, there's so many different ones.  My mom is Grammy and Mister's mom is Grandma.  Grammy is the traditional name for the women in our family but....I'm not so traditional.  So I went on the hunt for the perfect name.  One that captured MY personality and sass.  

A name that would do these shoes justice....

How about Lollie.  Lollie?? Yes! And Mister can be Pop.  That way we are Lollie and Pop, like LolliePop.  Perfect!!  

But, Mister is a complete traditionalist and refused to be the other half of our infamous duo so he is Grandpa.  The best part is when we talk to our Little Man and goo at Princess, Little Man says...."Hi Grandpa Lollie", like it's all one word.  Now that's perfect! 

It's the best feeling in the world to be loved again by little ones.  All of the fun and none of the stress.

So I guess a name can mean many different things but when you're a grandparent, whatever your grand kids call you...It is just another word for LOVE.