Road Trip!

Just let me start this by saying that we are NOT road trip kind of people.  It doesn't have anything to do with kids being noisy or fighting in the back seat.  We took this trip with only adults in the car.  It's all that sitting and driving and sitting and driving and HOLY COW.....ARE WE THERE YET???  What does the next sign say??  Only 5 miles since the last sign??  Why are all these semi trucks on the highway??  Who Farted!!

We have some long standing rules to riding in the car on long trips.  Let me share.....

Rule #1:  No Eating in the Car.....Yep you read that right.  Mister has a sensitive nose and an aversion to stinky food in the car.  So the usual car snacks are taboo.  No corn nuts, Fritos, Doritos or any other "os".

And definitely NO

Have you smelled these things?

One trip on our way to Newport Beach, our oldest son had a craving for some of these tasty nuggets at midnight. So when we stopped in beautiful Beaumont,CA at the AM/PM he bought a bag.  As he was getting in the car he was stopped by Mister, "NO food in the car!" We waited and watched as he downed the entire bag standing in the parking lot.  At least the car didn't smell.  However, we did travel with non-stinky food.  Red licorice, gummy worms and granola bars and all meals were eaten inside the In and Out Burger. No drive thru on trips. The upside to this rule is that when you get to your destination the inside of your car doesn't resemble a homeless shelter.

Rule #2:  If you fart you must roll down your window as a courtesy.  Just so you know....when you travel with boys they fart....A LOT!  It works like this.  Whoever farts just rolls down the window for a little bit until the air has cleared.  It never fails....the boy sitting in the middle or the way back (3rd seat) always thinks that his farts don't smell.  Just because you're not close to a window switch does not mean you're the lucky one.  It just means that you will be punched until you admit you stunk up the whole car.   This works great most times except for blizzards across Utah when the temperature inside the car rivaled the temperature outside. Also, Mom's farts never smell.

Rule #3:  All potty breaks are to be honored IMMEDIATELY!  If you travel with a middle aged menopausal woman whose drink of choice is Diet Coke, then just know you will stop and let her pee whenever she says.  However if that's not possible then you should always carry a large beach towel to cover her up with should you have to stop by the side of the road.  This is non-negotiable!! We may or may not have had to use the towel for cover up on this trip.

That's it.  3 easy rules for successful road travel.

This last trip was from our home in Mesa, AZ to our son's home in Portland, OR.  It's about 1400 miles one way.  That's 2 very long, 12-13 hour days of driving.  We have never driven that far in a car.  Ever! We thought about flying but with the cost of bringing our New York son out west and renting a car once we got there is just seemed to make financial sense to drive.  It will be fun we said....we will bond said friends.....it's quality time together said everyone else.  Yes, at times it was all those things.  Oregon is beautiful but the road between Six Flags Amusement Park and Sacramento is a vast wasteland interspersed with lots of farms, orchards and sunflower fields but very few places to stop and let a Mama pee. (see rule #3). Interstate 5 is covered with Semi trucks and the cars play this demonic game of chicken as they work to jockey a spot 2 or 3 cars ahead of where they were as they weave in and out of the truck lane.   They would speed up to pass, change lanes and then slam on their brakes which makes everyone behind them slam on their brakes.  It was nerve wracking going bumper to bumper doing 80 mph then 50 mph then back up to 80 as the windows were going up and down every 10 seconds.  Geez....are we there yet??  Finally we arrived in Portland and spent 4 fantastic days playing with these little nuggets of perfection.  

Mister is the baby whisperer.  He has the ability to calm Little Princess when no one else can and put her to sleep in seconds.  

The drive home is like hitting the repeat button only in reverse.  We brought a car back to my daughter in law's sister and also inherited Lola the Wonderdog.  Who insisted on sitting in the front seat on a lap looking out the front window and hogging the A/C.

We have decided that we will never make this trip by car ever again. We're more short drive to the beach or park on a cruise ship kind of people.  In fact, if you are a family member who lives farther than 700 miles away we most likely will never drive to see you.  It's not that we don't love you it's just that I'm not sure we love each other enough to do that again. My children will agree!